Wednesday, June 28, 2006

New rule.

The new rule is that you are not allowed to compare any record or band to another record or band "on [some drug]" unless you have done the drug you are referencing. The other day I saw a quote on some singer-songwriter's one-sheet that said he sounded "like Elvis Costello on angel dust." Which is wrong. Elvis Costello on angel dust would sound like Elvis Costello yelling at a wall. Needless to say, this dude in particular did not sound like Elvis Costello yelling at a wall.*
It really is true that you don't have to do drugs to be cool. I know a lot of good people who have only ever like tried weed a couple of times and decided they didn't like being on drugs, and getting busted on drug-frontin is way worse than saying, "Sorry, I was totally straight-edge until I turned 26 and decided to start drinking martinis because they looked fun," or whatever your experience was. People dropping references to someone "tripping on heroin" give me extreme "bags of sand"-style douche chills.

*Another thing: ODB, Sly Stone, and Shaun Ryder are the only people to have ever made a decent recording while smoking cocaine, so unless you're trying to compare an artist to one of these three musicians, do not say they sound like "[somebody] on crack." Crack doesn't make you automatically start rocking out spazzy, artsy music; it just makes you want to smoke more crack.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


I feel kinda chumpish recommending something so completely obvious, but I just subscribed to the Fader podcast, and the newest edition has like every song that's wrecked me at any DJ night in the past month or so, specifically Raje Shwari's "Average Bitch" and "Teri Baaton" by Raghav. Jams is right. But seriously, I feel like yesterday's Red Eye where the two biggest features were about airlines losing your luggage and how if you're thinking about marrying someone you should learn stuff about them. Derrrrrrrr.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Bang on.

Dead Prez has the best merch. What you know about signature lines of soap?
Their set last night at Intonation was wall-to-wall bonkers. A half-acapella version of "Walk Like a Warrior," a cover of "Another Brick in the Wall," the weekend's only onstage commentary on white people hip-hop fans (condensed: It's okay, but you have a responsibility to look out for black people if you're gonna ride for free on their culture.), and the hands-down best banter of the whole fest: "I see these vampires sucking my blood. I ain't wit it."

Friday, June 23, 2006

Jesus Freakin'

My review of Andrew Beaujon's book about Christian rock in online here.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Typo of the Day

"NAS: Earth hottest it's been in 400 years, humans responsible"

And then he starts a "who's the world's best spokesperson for global warming" beef with Al Gore.

"Aging": America's hottest new trend?

"30 is the new 20."
-New York Times, Dec. 23, 2004

"Thirty is the new forty."
-New Yorker, Jun. 26, 2006

I don't know which of these is correct--or if 30 is the new anything besides 30--but I feel like just to be safe I should probably buy a new beer bong and get someone pregnant before next year.
Optimally I would be able to do both things simultaneously.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

When your MySpace "Pending Friend Requests" folder tells you the truth.

"Currently awaiting approval from Stevie Nicks"
I think in a way I've been waiting for Stevie Nicks' approval for most of my life.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The fetishized gun violence web portal is open for business.

My friend Josh ran off with my "Bird Flu" post and dug up some goods on the deejay,Sample King, who sings it. He's got an official website, but the real goods are on his Myspace page, and by "goods" I mean "songs that test the very limits of how much MIDI gunfire can one song contain." To bear witness to "Weh Dem Know Bout That," (he is Canadian, so despite himself he pronounces "about" correctly, if accented) on the beat to TI's "What You Know," is to know exactly how many gunfire samples his friend who produced the song has on his keyboard. Two things Sample King might want to consider are that there are websites out there that you can download things like that from--nothing says "scraping the bottom of the MIDI barrel" like an old-timey whistling bomb--and that shouting out "sniper rifles" and other shit from Goldeneye is the "they feel like bags of sand" of violent rap lyrics.
More artfully (and more Nate Dogg-ingly) done is the Kadalack Boyz' "Never Slippin'" (mp3 link), which starts off with a beat built out of gun-cocking sounds and cannon blasts. When you get to hear a rap song that uses some of the same ideas the Flaming Lips were fucking with when they were still good you call that "an awesome day."

Friday, June 09, 2006

I say, "H5," you say, "N1"!

I don't know that I personally would've put the "Dancin' disease I spread it," line in there (a little too real, dudes), but I fully approve of the insane "shrieking eagle" sound, which I think about 5000x more songs should be incorportating. The latest proof that dancehall can take any trend, fad, or potential globally catastrophic pandemic, and make a song out of it: the Bird Flu song
via the Vice blog. Go here to see the dance that goes with it.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Stop looking like you're going to use that baby to make out with me somehow.

Hi. I'm Common. I stole your baby. Does that make you

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Sex on the Beach without Mr. De

Everyone's already bagging on the new Paris Hilton video (it's a music video this time, not more creepy porn), but that's fine. It gives the opportunity to say the first nice thing on the internet about it: To Paris' credit it takes her nearly one-and-a-half minutes to--by all appearances--begin fellating her co-star in public. Look at the 1:29 mark and tell me I'm wrong.

Because I'm not. I've been watching this thing all day.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Party jams.

Say what you will about the moral/ethical problem of keeping wild animals as pets, but you really can't hate on someone for rolling up on a party in a posse that's partially composed of the hands-down cutest predator in the Sahara desert.
I learned two things over the weekend: that the fennec fox version of yelling "woooo!" at a party is like a kind of meow-y yelp, and that watching people try to hit a pinata with a pair of panties over their eyes is really funny.
Actually, the second part of that isn't as much learning as confirming a suspicion.