Tuesday, September 13, 2005

"Sales of shit-cheap vodka soar...clips at the top of the hour"

There are two old guys downtown who stand on opposite sides of the street holding signs to warn passing tourists about the powers of Soviet mind control on one corner and, I forget, something like the evils of the Catholic church on the other. Usually the only reaction that they get from passersby are the kind of sarcastic laughs and pointing fingers that any nutbag wearing a sandwich board outlining the structure of the secret ruling class should expect when he goes out in public, but I bet in the coming weeks both of them will get at least a few people coming up, saying, "Jesus, do you know something? Anything? What the fuck is going on?"

A sampling of headlines from CNN.com as of 3 AM CDT:

"Poll shows Katrina's racial divide"
"Police find 8 Ohio kids locked in cages"
"Baby born to brain-dead woman dies"
"Police: NYC firefighter assaults immigrant"
"Chimps killed after zoo escape"

And that's just the front page.
I'm not looking at CNN.com again for another week. Fuck it, I'm not going to look at shit, I'm going to keep my eyes closed so tight that they bleed for the next week and a half because if I see so much as an empty bag of Doritos in the gutter I'm going to lose my shit in a way that could only be described as "completely."
You gotta be at least a little envious of those chimps, though. At least they could reach out and touch the bars they were locked behind, and at least they could get get away from them for a minute of unimaginable freedom before the zookeeper capped them down. Imagine how those minutes must have felt...

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