Woooo. Woooo.

Do you have a summer project planned?
Mine is putting together a Lifter Puller tribute band, potentially called Lonely In a Limousine, or maybe the Wristbands. I already have dibs on the Craig role, and if Morgan ever comes back from Africa she's going to be Steve Dude, because she wants to play bass and she's always talking about vagina, but if you want to be in it, you should myspace me. We still need a lead guitar and a drummer and we're probably going to end up needing a horn section and some groupies.

Dammit now.

Seriously, why are you riding a tandem bicycle? I could maybe be okay with you doing that if it was a big, consciously dorky cruiser bike, and you were just cruising around looking like a dorkily in love couple. I don't get down with that shit, but I'm not gonna be mad at someone for broadcasting their shit-eating-grin love state for all the public to see. I can even forgive certain instances of couples wearing matching outfits. But no, this tandem bicycle was a slim racing bike that I can only imagine is made out of expensive alloys, and you both were wearing helmets and tight outfits and were hunched over your handlebars all serious-looking. Were you practicing? Are you a tandem bicycling team? I hand't thought of that before, but why would you be practicing on the streets downtown during rush hour? That doesn't make much sense.
What the hell, people?

Just (Don't) Blaze

Following up on Hopper's "Average Homeboy" post, apparently one of my co-workers is more familiar with Blazin' Hazen than the rest of us, and recommends this video. I recommend it if you're looking for a reason to be racist against white people, which this video provides at an average of two reasons per second.

My new haircut

Aren't list entries themselves cliched? Hmmm....

If you don't mind, I'm going to just go ahead and add a couple new entries to the List of Rock Band Promotional Photo Cliches. I'm sure we are all familiar with "The Alley That Our Band Is Standing In Is Meant to Represent Our Toughness," "We Are All On The Couch Together, A Band," "We Are Sitting On The Porch and Something Is Troubling Us or Pissing Us Off," as well as the rarer (but still overused) "This Is Us And This Is The Brooklyn Bridge For Some Reason." But time and evolution, and, ironically enough, the desire to take non-cliched promo photos has led to a rise in the number of band photos in these following now-cliched categories:
"I Am Lost In The Woods and Good-Looking"
"This Field Looks Like It Might Be Perfect For A Picnic, Don't You Think?" (doesn't count if band is actually picnicking)
"Hey Check It Out: We're Doing 'We Are All On the Couch Together, A Band'" (ironic)
"This Disarmingly Personal Photograph Shows that Beneath My Cartoonish Rapper Persona I Am Still A Man, and Human"
"Professional-Quality Upskirt"

I got something. I don't think it's the Look. It might just be a hangover.

Starting off two days in the span of one week with Roxette's "The Look" in my head is no way to live. I was having a conversation earlier today about the lyrics to "The Look". I was trying to remember them, and thought I was maybe half-making them up or just not remembering them right. It ends up that I was correct, and that "The Look" just has some lyrics that make no sense. I've posted them below. Current favorite line: "Naked to the t-bone"

"The Look"
lyrics by Per Gessle

1-2-3-4 walking like a man
hitting like a hammer
she's a juvenile scam
never was a quitter
tasty like a raindrop
she's got the look

Heavenly bound
cause heaven's got a number
when she's spinning me around
kissing is a color
her loving is a wild dog
she's got the look

She's got the look
she's got the look
what in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
when everything I'll ever do
I'll do for you and I go
la la la la la
she's got the look

Fire in the ice
naked to the t-bone
is a lover's disguise
banging on the head drum
shaking like a mad bull
she's got the look

Swaying to the band
moving like a hammer
she's a miracle man
loving is the ocean
kissing is the wet sand
she's got the look

And she goes: na na na na na na na na

And the He just kind of chilled out.

[God said,] "So because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
-Rev 3:14-19
If the "you" in the above quote referred to "salsa con queso," you'd have a pretty good picture of my Wednesday night. And then if God got stoned and watched skate videos, it would be even more accurate.
Truly, the Bible's power of prophecy is bad as hell.