The legal drugs.

If you ever feel like you want to extend the feeling of being at the ass end of a weekend-long drug binge without having to deal with any of the inefficient euphoria and hallucinations a drug binge entails, I would suggest you check out Lexapro. It's a cunning little anti-anxiety/depression drug that does its work by distracting you from the second-to-second dread of existence by giving you painful non-stop jaw clenching and dreams that your pillows are made out of squirming masses of algae that may or may not be alien and may or may not be somehow risen from the dead. I have my reasons for never becoming a strung-out coke whore who's cross-addicted to PCP, but there's apparently no reason why my lifestyle choices should keep me from feeling like one.