Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Another list.

Every day my shit job reveals a deeper, sicker example of humankind's basic inability to create anything but horribleness. Yesterday's top three:
3.) "Christmas Melody (sic)" by Ashanti - You always knew Ashanti was a hack. Even if she suckered you in and got you to actually like one or two of her singles, you knew that the Princess Of Hip Hop R&B couldn't give a shit about the music. Her yuletide gift to the world is a medly of Xmas songs produced by a kid who has just learned how to sequence up to three tracks on a Triton that kind of proves she doesn't. The songs (50s honky-crooner chanteuse pop) and her performance (the same) are so white you want to ask her for reparations.
2.) The 30-year-old compulsive liar I work with. Dude is like 5'4" and at least 170, so when he starts talking up the wonders Pilates can work on your abs you have to wonder if "Pilates" is some sort of code for "nachos".
1.) The piss-soaked pair of little girl's tights someone wadded up and shoved under a rack of clothes for someone else to pick up. The work of either one of the turbo-bitch yuppie newlymoms who roam Michigan Ave. with oversize strollers or an especially inconsiderate kidnapper. Either way, I don't want to have to deal with that shit.

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