Not only am I almost 28 years old and still living off of buy-one-get-one-free Jewel brand frozen cheese pizzas, and not only have I been suffering the past two days from pizza mouth burn (Surface cheese temperature isn't what you have to look out for; it's the submerged, potentially napalm-y sauce layer you need to worry about), but now I am suffering from secondary pizza mouth burn, a burn on top of an existing burn, which is infinitely painful. Plus I had to wake up this morning at 6am to remove my cat from a pair of plastic grocery bags it had tangled up in digging through the trash to eat frozen pizza grease-soaked paper towels. 6am is a good time to look your paper-towel-eating cat in the eye as you pull garbage off of her and ask her, "Are you like this because I raised you? Why are you like this? What is wrong with me?"
MOSTLY UNRELATED: I have this terrible sinking suspicion that somewhere someone in America has named their band after some aspect of the tsunami disaster. The certainty with which I feel this makes me feel immensely depressed. The fact that I have, in the past, invented two hypothetical bands, The Nightclub Disasters and Porch Collapse, after headline tragedies only makes it worse.
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3 comments:
You're right. My boyfriend and some people started a band called the Jersey Tsunamis last week. The title of the first album: "We're tough."
My buddy has a cat named Tsunami and now he's freaked that people are going to thinnk he's a sicko who names his pets after major disasters.
The Jewel-Pizza-mouth-burn pain is not entirely caused by the heat-related blistering. The high sodium content (check the label) of those delightfully affordable little snack treats renders the experience akin to rubbing rock salt on a newly minted rug burn. But, alas, there is nothing we can do about the sodium levels of the Jewel Pizza but enjoy its salty goodness and endure its heart attack inducing fury.
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